I do believe I have been changed for the better.

Half of the room is empty.

The last few days have been that of goodbyes. Yesterday at lunch, Kelsey, our madre and I held back tears (although a few of them escaped our eyes…) as we talked about how we dreaded leaving. Our madre told us, “Yo tampoco quiero que salgais.” I don’t want you guys to leave either. Our school had a farewell reception at Isla Magica, the amusement park in Sevilla, yesterday. As people were leaving to go home, we realized that this may be our last time to see each other. It wasn’t real to me. Kelsey and Xoch cried, and I watched them, wondering why I didn’t feel sad like that. Last night, our little posse got together for the last time in Sevilla. We had ice cream and a gofre, and we just hung out in Plaza Nueva. Just talking. Laughing. Singing. We all sang “For Good” together. It’s a song from Wicked. (Ps: this post is going to be a lot like Kelsey’s latest post. Haha. We’re pretty much the same person. Seriously, go to her blog, we have the same layout.)

We’ve sung this song lots of times together, but usually just to sing it because it is sooo daarrnn gooood. Haha. But earlier in the semester, it was established that this would be our farewell song. But I never realized the sadness that would come when our farewell song would ring true.

“I’ve heard it said,
That people come into our lives,
For a reason.
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead to those,
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true.
But I know I’m who I am today,
Because I knew you…

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better,
But because I knew you,
I have been changed for good…

It well may be,
That we will never meet again,
In this lifetime.
So let me say before we part,
So much of me,
Is made of what I learned from you.
You’ll be with me,
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end,
I know you’ll have rewritten mine,
By being my friend…

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better,
But because I knew you…

I have been changed for good.”

Last night, we all had to say our goodbyes. At the very last minute, it hit me. I may never see these people again. The people I’ve dropped my guard to, who I have opened up to and have become the very best friends with. I mean, God really just dealt us a really great hand when he brought us all together. Kelsey and I knew from the beginning that we were perfect for each other. And now, it was time for goodbye. And we don’t know if we’ll ever meet again.

This morning, Kelsey moved all her bags downstairs so the padres could take her to the airport, and I waited. She came back upstairs, and we stopped and looked at each other. We hugged each other, and the tears came rolling. I’ve been crying all morning.

I don’t expect anyone to understand when I get home. This semester has been completely life-changing. The experiences I’ve had, the people I’ve met, the things I’ve learned. There’s been a huge impact on my life, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get over it. I don’t really want to. Like Kelsey said,

“I dread the question, ‘How was Spain?!’ I do not dread it because I do not want to share my adventure with you,it is just that this adventure has been so incredible and so indescribable that I will not know where to start. I guarantee that I will have days where I cannot bring myself to talk about it, but I also guarantee that there will be days when you will need to tell me to shut up.”

I’m so heartbroken to leave this semester behind, everything about it. Every person, every city, every moment, every memory.

I have been changed for good.

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2 thoughts on “I do believe I have been changed for the better.

  1. Taylor Karl says:

    Aww Alexz. This is such a heartfelt blog. I’m so glad that you literally had the time of your life in Spain. I can’t even fathom the experience you have had. I’m glad that God has moved and taught you so many things. Love you girl. <3

  2. beautiful friend :) I love you so much and I am so glad that we got to share this adventure together… I miss you already and I am so excited to see you in Texas. We will forever have each other! xoxo
    Love your blog… so well written and so true!

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